CD1

For realz this time! CD1 started the day after Christmas. I might even say on Christmas but for the sake of not being able to say I got AF as an X-mas present we shall say the day after. I'm excited. The new year is going to start off as a new cycle. Clean and fresh. I've always had a thing for the new year. I always feel hopeful. Like this year will be better than the last. I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say that in a lot of ways 2009 just wasn't my year. I felt like I made a lot of seemingly good decisions but all ended up being lemons. I'm in the process of fixing those mistakes and making lemonade with the ones I am going to have to live with. I hope that a lot of things happen in 2010. So without further ado my resolutions:

1. I want to get pregnant and have a healthy and happy pregnancy.
2. I want to start losing weight. If you have read my blog for any amount of time (prior to me starting over) you know I have gotten started on this a couple of times. However, now that the holidays are over I don't have anything standing in my way. My goal is to lose 20 pounds. This is 5 pounds less than what I weighed on my wedding day. I felt good and looked good.
3. I want to take a vacation. This is already in the works. I think we are going to take a cruise to Mexico. Its going to be a huge family vacation with my mom, dad, sister, her boyfriend, and us. We all have so much fun together so I think we would have a blast.
4. Help change the world. This one came from watching Evan Almighty the other night, ARK. Act of Random Kindness.

God: How do we change the world?

Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.

This is something I think we all can handle.

5. Work harder. I work from home and I admit that although it has its perks it is not always easy, especially for me. I get distracted a lot by means of blogs, gossip sites, and FB. Sometimes I even get distracted by the things I have to do in the house too like cooking, cleaning, laundry. It happens. But this year I want to find a schedule that works for me and enables me to be productive.

I know I could make a list a mile long but 5 will be good enough, afterall they are pretty big goals.

Yup...

Still spotting. I haven't temped for a couple of days because I have been having weird sleep patterns AND I have been so tired that when my alarm goes off to temp I shut it off and am back asleep in less than a second. I am also now at my parents house, brought my thermometer with me but didn't take it out of my bag last night. Temping fail haha. I'll get back into the swing of it here. I came prepared with preseed at least. We shall see if we will need it. I'll make sure to watch my CM closely. I think we should at least BD every couple of days for good measure since we don't know whats going on. I would hate to miss my O date. I can't wait until this cycle is officially over. I'm ready for a fresh clean start and hopefully a normal cycle.

Soooo...

Its been awhile since I have posted and mainly thats because nothing has changed. I'm still doing this weird spotting/SUPER light AF thing. I have been temping, which has told me nothing. Everything is just kind of at a stand still. I have been super stressed out lately though so maybe that has something to do with it. AF needs to shit or get off the pot....

Maybe not?

Alright so I was cramping and had bright red spotting yesterday but now they are both gone. Maybe I'm not on CD1. I did however have a wicked temp drop so I am assuming AF will be here in a couple of days...I hope!

CD1 again

And actually happy about it this time. I feel good. After this 40 day cycle I am ready to get back on track. I have been charting again. We are going to use preseed this time around. I am currently on weight watchers. I am of course still taking my prenatal and B6 (100 mg) for my luteal phase. And thats where we are at.

Cheers to CD1 and hopefully ovulating one more time before 2010! Who knows, a BFP could be one heck of a way to start off a new year!! Come on sweet lord baby Jesus let this be it!

Spotting

Alright I officially have no idea what is up with my body. I'm spotting. If this turns out to be a BFP it will be a total shock. I'm not banking on it though. I hope its AF because if it is I could ovulate again before 2010!! And...well...now with the preseed in the mail we might as well have some slippery sex haha!

My head is pounding like a nail...

Happenings from last night are a bit...foggy this morning. As my alarm went off to temp I tried to go over the night...First, dinner. Check. Deciding it was Saturday and with no work tomorrow we might as well finish off the beer in the fridge (lots of beer). Check. Mario Party. Check. Ordering preseed? Uh? Having sex doggy style? Uh? The next thing I was sure of though......my head was going to explode. Check. So first things first I drag myself downstairs for some much needed ibuprofen. After that is taken care of I go to living room where my laptop is out and laying on the sofa, I open it, and sure enough I bought preseed last night. The tab for my order is open along with an e-mail notification. Nice. I'll have to wait for Andrew to get up to check on our sex style status but I'm assuming that happened as well. Oh beer brain whatever will I do with you and your crazy notions...I should at least be glad is was only 20 bucks worth of stuff rather than one of those ovulation monitors or something haha.

I'm off to make hangover food. On the menu this morning? Nachos...for sure

Crazy Thought...

I'm not going to ovulate again (well hopefully I can squeeze out the one that was due in NOVEMBER...stubborn ass...) until 2010!!!

Charting

I have started charting...AGAIN. So ladies next time I'm like oh no more charting blah, blah, blah be like you have tried that twice and neither time it did ya any good. I was officially supposed to started on Saturday according to my normal 32 day cycles but this cycle is going to be anything but normal. Maybe its a fluke and my cycles will go back to normal after this or maybe we will catch our eventual O day. I mean if it doesn't come by the end of December I'll have to call the doc. For now and poor hubby doesn't know this yet we are going to have sex every other day until O. Why every other day and not everyday? Because we don't know how long this can take! So getting a break in there will help. In the meantime, my temp is 97.39, well below my usual coverline somewhere around 97.5. I have started to notice more CM lately too. I had sticky last week and I would say creamy over the weekend. Maybe I will see some EWCM and O this week. LETS HOPE SO!! Its funny...if I O this week we could stand in line for the fantasticness that is a Christmas BFP!

BFN

Not today actually, yesterday. I know, I know...I shouldn't have tested, I don't even know when or if I ovulated for sure. But it was negative. I approximate if I ovulated on my average of CD17 I was 11 DPO. I am still not sure if I ovulated though. My temps were low and they still are but since I haven't been charting consectutively or at all for most of the month those few temps don't mean squat. But to add...I have been having tons of CM. It has ranged between creamy and sticky on some days. No EWCM though. Ugh, this is a total crap shoot. For the life of me I just can't figure out whether or not I want to chart. There are many reasons that I don't want to, lets review. I have control issues. By charting I feel like it is me just trying to control the uncontrollable. Yes, it makes me feel better but is it me not trusting God? Like He doesn't know what he is doing. Or He isn't in control of my life like I should let Him be? Or are most of you reading thinking sheesh its just charting!! I don't think I am truly stressed when I chart so that isn't a reason. I don't wake up earlier to chart except maybe on the weekends. Sometimes around O or the 2WW I get anxious to wake up and see what my temp is for the day but I don't see that as stress.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Again. I wish I didn't have to make a decision haha, just get a BFP...I'm gonna go munch on some ice cream and ponder...

Remember?

Remember those cramps that I often get in the middle of the night several days before AF arrives? Well I got those last night. They didn't wake me up but when I would wake up to roll over and what not they were there. I wish they weren't. I'm pretty sure that means I am out for this cycle too. At least thats been the pattern. I will wait until AF to officially call it of course but I'm not really hopeful anymore. The next time I will probably ovulate is Christmas. Thats going to be hard...we will be at my parents house that week. The best thing would be for AF not to show and for me to be finally pregnant!! You hear me AF? STAY AWAY!